Finding Rachel Page 3

“Drive safe,” he said, before ushering her into the car and shutting the door.

  She started the car, backed out of the driveway, and could see him watching as she drove away.

  Evan watched the taillights on Rachel’s car grow fainter, until he could no longer see them, before he turned to go back into the house. He poured anther glass of wine and took it out on the deck, and only then did he allow himself to think about what had just happened.

  Why now? Why this woman? He wanted her physically, but he couldn’t be available emotionally. He knew that he would never take that chance again. He wasn’t good for someone in that capacity, his mind insisted. He’d hurt her in the end, and she deserved better than that. He already knew she did.

  6

  Rachel was in her kitchen the next morning, cutting up some tomatoes to make a Caprese salad for dinner later. The tomatoes and cheese were some of the few ingredients that she’d actually left the store with the previous day before bolting after making dinner plans with Evan.

  Evan. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. And that kiss. Even though she was alone in her kitchen, she blushed. It had woken something up in her she hadn’t even realized was asleep. The ringing of her phone broke into her thoughts, bringing her back to reality. “Saved by the bell,” she muttered.

  She walked over to the counter where her phone was plugged into the charger and saw that Richard was calling. She frowned, picking it up and staring at it in her hand. Why was he calling? In the few seconds during which she’d pondered that, the phone went to voicemail. She waited to see if he left a message. Eventually, one popped up, and she nervously pressed the button to listen.

  “Hey, Rach. It’s me. Um, Richard.”

  Rachel couldn’t help but laugh. They’d been married for over twenty years. Did he think she’d forgotten his voice just because the divorce had been finalized?

  “I’ve been thinking. Um, maybe we rushed into this. The divorce. I, I’m confused,” he stammered. “Can you please call me?”

  Her jaw dropped. “What the hell?” she exclaimed, even though no one was around to hear her. He’d left her. He’d said they’d grown apart. He’d had a new girlfriend five minutes after they’d separated. And now, he was confused? If he’d been in front of her saying this, she would have strangled him. How could he have put her through all that just to now say that he was confused?

  Her phone rang again, and she was ready to give Richard a piece of her mind, but it wasn’t him calling back. She was both disappointed and relieved when she saw that it was Laura calling. She needed time to process before talking to Richard.

  “Hi, Laura.”

  “Hi. How’s it going? Settling in okay?”

  “Sure am. I love this place. I may never leave.”

  Laura laughed. “Yeah, most of us feel that way. Listen, I thought you might want to meet me for lunch again.”

  “I’d love that.” She’d planned on spending a quiet day alone, but after Richard’s call, she needed a distraction and she’d really enjoyed Laura’s company the other day.

  “Great. Noon? Same place?”

  “Perfect. See you then.” She hung up, and her mind flitted back to Richard. What the hell was going on with him?

  This time, Rachel beat Laura to the café, took a seat, and ordered them both iced teas. She was having a hard time getting Richard’s call off her mind, and was so lost in her own thoughts, she jumped when Laura touched her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Laura said, sliding onto the other side of the booth.

  “I was just lost in thought.”

  “I could tell. Thinking about Evan?” she teased. Rachel looked up at her in surprise. “Not a lot happens here that everyone doesn’t know about.”

  “So, you know I was over there last night?” Rachel asked, raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

  “Yes, it was quite the talk of the town. Evan’s never had a woman to his house. Not that we know of, anyway, and it’s hard to keep secrets here.”

  “You’re kidding me. Never?”

  Laura shook her head. “Nope. He’s a nice guy, but he’s not really close to anyone, and while he’s social at the bar, and my husband and I have him out for dinner every month or so, he keeps to himself otherwise.”

  “Do you know why he moved here? I asked him last night, and he said it was a long and boring story and then changed the subject. I got the feeling it wasn’t long and boring, but rather that he didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “That’s Evan. He doesn’t like to talk about himself.”

  “Can I get your order, ladies?” the waitress interrupted with a smile.

  “BLT, please,” Rachel said.

  “Same.” Laura smiled, and they gave the menus back to the waitress.

  ‘So, Evan,” Laura said and seemed to be planning out what to say next. “He moved here and bought the bar from Henry Thomas, who was retiring. He initially told us he was just tired of his old lifestyle and needed a change. Seemed plausible. A lot of people come to Moonshire Bay that way. But it eventually came out that he’d been in a car accident that had killed his son and left his wife in an irreversible coma.”

  Rachel gasped. “Oh, my God. That’s horrible.” And here she had thought that her divorce was bad. She couldn’t even imagine what he’d gone through. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. No wonder he’d said he understood that she needed time to herself. This information really put things in perspective.

  They changed the subject to a lighter one. Laura filled Rachel in on some of the other town gossip, things more frivolous in nature, and Rachel started to get a sense of the people in the community. She liked what she was hearing.

  They finished their coffee and said their goodbyes. After they’d parted ways, Rachel couldn’t get Evan, and what he’d been through, off her mind, so she decided to be bold and stop by the bar to say hi. She walked the few store fronts down from the diner to the bar and pushed open the heavy, wooden door. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dark after being out in the bright sun, but once they had and she’d looked around, she was surprised at how interesting the decor was. It was interesting in a good way. There were shelves throughout holding old books and clocks, which gave the bar the feel of an old library rather than a Friday night hangout spot. While Rachel wasn’t one to hang out in bars much, she could see herself spending time here. It almost felt like someone’s living room.

  She didn’t see Evan, and felt a pang of disappointment that he might not be there. She walked up to the bar where a very attractive young woman, who was probably in her mid-twenties, was working. “Is Evan here?”

  “He’s in back doing inventory. Are you Rachel?”

  “Um, yes,” she answered slowly. Surely, Evan wasn’t talking to people about her.

  The woman smiled. “Small town. We know when new people come in who aren’t just here for a week or two. Laura told me.”

  “Ah. That makes sense.”

  “I’m Celeste,” the bartender said.

  “Nice to meet you, Celeste”

  “Go ahead through those double doors. He’s back there in the stockroom.”

  “Thanks.” Rachel walked to the back with butterflies in her stomach. She was nervous, which was just silly. She was visiting a friend, nothing more. Oh who was she kidding? A huge part of her couldn’t help but think that maybe she wanted more. She slowly pushed open the double doors to the back room and walked through. Evan was on the opposite side of the room, but what she saw when she looked his way stopped her in her tracks. He was faced away from her, hunched over, and his back was shaking. Was something wrong? Maybe she should leave? It seemed like she might be intruding on a private moment.

  She had started to turn and walk back through the doors when a loud bang and the sound of glass breaking swung her focus back to him. At the same moment, he looked around and noticed her.

  There was a tortured look on his face. A broken beer bottle la
y in pieces on the floor next to him with the liquid slowly spreading out, the smell of beer permeating the air.

  “Rachel!” he exclaimed, looking and sounding anguished and then embarrassed.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I’ll just go,” she said, frantically backing up a couple of steps and then turning to head out the doors.

  7

  Evan watched Rachel walk away and pounded his fist on his leg. Dammit. Why’d she have to pick that exact time to stop by?

  He leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting. Putting his head in his hands, he wondered, for what must be the hundredth time, what he had done to deserve a life where he constantly screwed up. He should have known better than to invite Rachel over for dinner, because he’d felt a connection between them, and when he’d kissed her, he’d muddled his emotions.

  Now he had scared her off, probably forever, and while he knew that it was for the best, it still hurt. Worse, he knew that he had just confused and frightened her with his actions. Of all the days to stop by, she’d had to pick the hardest day of the year for him. Ten years ago that day, his life had changed forever; make that, life as he’d known it had ended. What he’d done since was just existing; it hadn’t been living. He knew that, and he didn’t care. At least, he hadn’t until now. It had been what he’d deserved. Meeting Rachel, though, had brought up a little bit of optimism that maybe he could have a life again that he hadn’t even realized he needed. But, he had to accept that it wasn’t meant to be.

  “Hey, boss, what happened? I just saw Rachel run out of here.” Celeste stopped when she saw Evan slumped against the wall with the mess of the broken beer bottle beside him. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Just go back out front.”

  Celeste did as he asked, but she couldn’t hide the shock and worry on her face.

  Great, he thought. Now his employee was worried that he’d lost it. Celeste was a good worker, and he didn’t want to lose her because she might think that he was unstable. He knew he best clean up the mess and go explain to her that he’d had a temporary mental breakdown and that it wouldn’t happen again, even though he knew that was a lie. It would happen again, and that’s why he was sure that he was better off not having anything else to do with Rachel. He didn’t want to hurt her, but it was better that she realized now that he wasn’t worth it.

  8

  Rachel climbed up the steps to her deck after finishing a relaxing afternoon walk on the beach. Not for the first time, she was thankful that she’d made the decision to spend the summer in Moonshire Bay. It was beautiful and relaxing, and it was giving her what she needed. However, she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with Evan. Three days had gone by since she’d seen him at the bar, and she hadn’t heard from him. Several times, she had gone to call or text but had stopped herself. She wasn’t sure what she had intruded on, so she didn’t know if he even wanted to hear from her. The fact that he hadn’t tried to contact her kind of told her that he didn’t. Whether he was embarrassed that she’d seen him like that or he wasn’t actually interested, she didn’t know, but she certainly wasn’t going to contact him if he didn’t want to be. She sighed, thinking about how complicated people were.

  She’d always been the kind of person who didn’t focus on having regrets, but rather treated them as learning experiences, and yet a huge part of her certainly regretted that she’d met Evan. She’d been comfortable thinking that relationships were off the table for her. Meeting him had thrown a wrench in that comfort, and instead of focusing on moving forward as a strong, independent woman, alone, she was thinking about him. She was attracted to him and she had never expected that. When Richard had left, the thought of dating had terrified her, and this puzzling state of affairs with Evan was exactly why. Relationships opened up hurt and confusion. Yet, realizing that it was still possible to feel attraction to someone, and then having the promise of a budding relationship with that someone yanked away, was confusing and scary.

  She still had a good thirty years ahead of her if she were to live into her eighties, the age that her mother almost was and that her grandma had been when she had died. If Rachel were being honest, she didn’t find the prospect of being alone for that many years appealing, though neither did she consider a relationship appealing right now.

  She’d started to sit down on one of the chaise lounges when someone pounded at her front door. She practically ran to the door, hoping it was Evan, but when she flung it open, she found that Richard was standing there.

  “What are you doing here? How did you even know I was here?” she asked with surprise.

  “Well, that’s not a very nice welcome,” he chided, though he had a smile on his face, like it was perfectly normal for him to be there and that she should have been expecting him.

  “Seriously, Richard, what are you doing here?” she replied crossly, annoyed that he had shown up like he had some right to her attention.

  “Can I come in?”

  She wanted to say no, but also wanted to find out why he was here, and her curiosity won out. She took a step back and opened the door to let him walk through, then led him to the living room where she motioned for him to have a seat.

  “Did you get my message?” Richard asked.

  “You mean the voicemail you left saying that you weren’t sure you made the right decision getting a divorce?” she retorted, trying to keep the anger out of her voice, but not completely succeeding. Richard picked up on it really quickly—an upside to knowing someone so well.

  “I know it sounds crazy. I’m sorry, Rachel. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

  “Is that why you came all the way out here? Does Charlene know? And how did you even know I was here?” she demanded for the second time.

  “Yes, it is. No, she doesn’t, and your mother.”

  Rachel should’ve figured. Her mother loved Richard, hated the fact they’d divorced, and didn’t really understand why, mainly because Rachel hadn’t wanted to tell her the entire story. Her mother wasn’t well and she didn’t want to give her any more stress than necessary. Her mother could’ve at least warned her that he was on his way here, though.

  “Richard…” she started, but was interrupted by another knock at the door. Annoyance twisted her lips into a frown. She didn’t even know that many people around here, she thought, so who could possibly be at her door now?

  She went back to the front door, and when she opened it, her mouth dropped open. Evan was standing in front of her. Not five minutes prior, she’d been hoping it was him who had knocked, but Evan showing up now was horrible timing.

  He was shuffling back-and-forth on his feet, looking nervous, and she badly wanted to talk to him, but that moment was not a good time. She felt guilty and wasn’t sure if it was because she wanted to talk to Evan despite Richard being there or if it was because Richard was there and Evan had shown up.

  “I’m sorry to come unannounced, but I was afraid you wouldn’t see me if I called first,” he finally said.

  “It’s fine, just that now is not a good time,” she responded, standing in the narrow opening of the door, hoping that he couldn’t see into the living room.

  Rachel felt the door pull out of her grasp. It opened wide, and she knew without looking that Richard was standing there. She wanted to melt into the floor when she saw the confused and hurt look on Evan’s face.

  “Hi, I’m Richard, Rachel’s husband,” Richard said in a possessive tone.

  Rachel shot him a dirty look. “Ex-husband,” she countered pointedly while looking at Evan.

  “Evan,” he said, holding out his hand. Richard shook it.

  “Richard, go back to the living room. I’ll be there in a minute,” she said in a voice with which he knew better than to argue. Then she turned back to Evan. “Listen…”

  “I’m going to go. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place,” he said. He
spun around and walked briskly to his car.

  “Evan, wait!”

  He either didn’t hear or, more than likely, he ignored her as he got into his car, slammed the door, and started backing out of the driveway. Rachel gave a huge sigh. She wanted to know why he had shown up. Had it been to apologize, she wondered. And if it had been, how horrible for him to find Richard here. She knew she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but it still looked bad. She walked back into the house and shut the door, then stalked into the living room.

  “Richard, I hate to be mean, but you need to leave.”

  “I didn’t expect you to have moved on already,” he snapped.

  “Don’t you dare! What I’m doing or not doing in regard to moving on is none of your business. You gave up that right. Now go!”

  “But I thought I could stay a couple of days so we could figure things out.” His tone had changed to a softer one, and she’d expected herself to feel something for him, but she didn’t.

  “Richard, things are already figured out,” she said wearily. “We’re divorced. There’s a reason why we got divorced, and I think things should stay that way. Now, I’m going up to take a shower, and I want you out of my house by the time I come back down.”

  As she walked up the stairs, she heard the front door shut and a car start up. Her heart was pounding from what she’d said to Richard, but she was also aware of the relief she felt that she’d been able to say it. While she had loved Richard for a long time, he had been right in asking for a divorce. They’d grown apart and had merely been coexisting. They had lost whatever romantic connection they’d had years earlier, and living without it would have been no way to spend the next many years. She hoped that he could be happy.

  Now, she thought, she needed to make things right with Evan.

  9

  Rachel had called Evan twice and texted three times by the time 8 p.m. had rolled around the next evening. She sat on her deck with a glass of red wine, watching the sunset, and wishing that she were with Evan as she’d been the other night.